As the Sarah Turns

....little peck kisses and whisperings and lustful mind seductions..... Kitten or seriously Murderous and blood thirsty sex panther? While they both can be called the truth, you just want me to be and want to only see me as your kitten. Why don't I get real in a truthfully seduced way? Why will I only vehemently scream at you knowing the way you pet me and pounce on me? Is it that I am being naïve? Is it that I want to live a double life or secret life? Is it that I'm in a certain denial of yours where I don't know how the denial is defined?....kisses and whisperings... Well Jon, if you can't take the mystery of it anymore, than I'll give it away now.... I know the story is the same. While you could say I am your most preferred or crème de le crème, I still have not bought that one. Your tactic and method to my anger and violence is that you want to challenge yourself to seduce me out of it, and then later, you will tell me about the liar you were and that couldn't be anymore. I still just don't trust you. Besides my long term distrust is how much damage you've done in my life. And how much I will always hate the scars, tyranny, and lies you've murdered me with. I don't know how I'm being judged by you right now, or even the level of fool you are, I just know I'm not the fool. Just because I can be a horny and seduced bitch doesn't mean that I'm a fool. I do feel humiliated by how horny I can sometimes be, but I just can't help but get horny sometimes. It is just not ok to lie to me or about me or about who I am as a person. You made your most fatal mistakes when you compared or subjected me in any which way to your other women. You've made other fatal mistakes to, but when you violently raped me into being Django, you really made one of the worst mistakes you'll ever make in your life. It isn't easy to get horny and seduced back into you, but you know some of the good things and slight impressions you made that make it just a tad bit easier. However, nothing can make up for it. You really should have accepted and respected the separationist I have always been and stopped trying to control me out of my real mother nature and person I have been. I really do hope to find friends one day, but that is for me to decide, and also to decide in my own time. I really do hope I find people out there who I do find as being acceptable and normal. Life wasn't meant to be lived alone, but if things have to be a certain way, that is just the way they have to be. Don't get me wrong, I'm not necessarily subjecting you to Paul Rudd, I'm just saying his approach works. If you don't want me to be so quiet and secretive with JUST THE MASTERBATING MIND GAMES AND NOT REAL SEX, you should not keep me vulnerable or make me feel helpless to your lies, rigging lies, that lie something else about me: I'm not giving in to what your judgment is or whatever it is you think of me. I'm not conformed to you. I never have and never will give in or be acceptable of any of your other women. That it isn't just between me and you. I'm not your conquest. .... All along those lines is the reason I keep myself hush hush and protected. I still feel embarrassed in such an indescribable way, and even though I get seduced doesn't mean I will ever see myself in any kind of trap that you or anyone else could want to make. I guess this will depend on you from here on out. No relationship, just whatever your masturbating mind game booty calls are. I'm the one where it needs to be said I should have you seduced out of your violence more than you, but if you share the credit and not put it all on your pig, I could share the credit too.