Silence and Discretion

I see you on my radar and in my head.... You know you are way too X-rated for me and you want to try to comfort me and make me feel more comfortable..... Only in my head you are refusing to give up on me and want to be with me..... As much as you seem to give yourself to me and take me for you and you wanting to seduce and subdue me into you and I in private comfort, I don't trust you. If you were to ask me whether or not I'm your hostage or willing partner, I would say that I am 95% your hostage. ...... I don't care if that Calvin "Don't Blame it On Me," song turns you on, it makes me sick. I hate that song. I hate the narcism....... While I'm not literally coughing up blood, these past couple of days I just visualize myself coughing up copious amounts of blood. Only in my head, you seem to be letting me in more and as if I were the number 1 apple of your eye, but I can't forget everything and just let you win. I don't trust you. I'm in serious pain in ways I don't know how to describe or explain. I can't completely see or get you either. While I could have a lot to say, I'm still mostly quiet and discrete. This is all I can express or be vulnerable about right now.