Why do you love me? Why do I love you?

You know I've always had a serious lust for you. You can and do turn me off sometimes. It is the fact that you didn't always know how to take me, took me your own made up way, or intentionally lied about me. I know you think the lust I have for you makes you think you can buy your way out of being called a "rapist," but you can't. I'm not on your side. You probably do want me to wish I would have never left your or your peeps out or left myself out of you. While it is possible THAT I COULD make you wish you were never the man you were and that you were man enough for me and loved me enough, I don't put my all or live to intend to make you wish for me. You are nothing but a nightmare. I don't have any regrets in keeping you abandoned, or staying an abandoned person. I have had an issue with EVERYONE that you could have wanted to include in my life. It has felt like a controlling gang rape this whole time. You did nothing but cheat on and threaten me to my face. It is your own failed structure that keeps me miles and miles away from you. I have a feeling you may have one or two tag alongs with you right now. I HAVE NEVER ACCEPTED YOUR LIFE STYLE AND NEVER WILL. I HAVE NEVER GIVEN YOU WHATEVER CREDIT YOU GIVE YOURSELF AND OTHERS. Your gayness still disturbs me AND I STILL DON'T SEE YOUR POINT IN WANTING TO PURSUE ME. All I see is Three Days Grace, "I hate everything about you," and Seether and Amy Lee's "Broken." Your lifestyle doesn't work. It has never worked. .........The magazine articles with a further rehash. Hotel wifi and computer gigs? I'm just not following whatever the message of that article was trying to convey at all. I tried to use my imagination, but I'm not getting the figurative picture. The "Swedish" article. You played it safe some with some fairness: "Your a hooker, I'm a hooker, the kids are hookers, the dogs are hookers, we are all hookers." I hate the shrimp/mayo/hotdog perverted remark. "Straight sex is only for teenagers. Adults are gay or bisexual." You should have never intentionally threatened my maturity or sexual maturity like that. I could really kill to give you a punch in the stomach and the face with that comment. "Lets talk about it." I don't care to visualize your gayness. You've never been that great in persuading me into you at all. I know I didn't get half of the message of what any of that was. Did I break Marcus's heart with Tom? Is that why he disturbed me with his and your gayness? I know I've decided against Tom's baby because he is just as guilty as a few other men in his maternal threats or subjecting me to another woman's maternity. If a man is going to be like that, he shouldn't even ask or want to have a baby with a woman to begin with. WHAT WAS THE POINT IN THAT? I don't know if you are ever going to learn from the constant mistake you are. If you are always going to threaten me for being who I am with your, or another's authority and codependence, I don't want to ever hear from you again. I've been sick of it. I really got into Weezer's "Pork and Beans" last night. It's like you get it somewhat, but have NEVER BACKED IT UP ON YOUR END. I hate you for the damaged woman I am, and the nightmare of a history you already are. As long as you stay the same nightmare, I just don't want to hear from you again. YOUR NIGHTMARE WAS NEVER WORTH IT TO ME AND WILL NEVER BE WORTH IT TO ME. You just don't understand how embarrassing and huge of a choice it would be for me to give into your Ike Turner. You don't get the pressure that I'm in, and have never seemed to care or understand about the nightmare that you always were. YOU CAN'T AVOID IT.